


Don't Let Me Go

by Mother_Mercury



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Break up sex, Breaking Things, Falling In Love, Fighting, I cried while writing this tbh, I wrote this whie drinking my morning coffee, M/M, Make up sex, breaking up, idk what else to tag, one '39 reference, one life of mars reference, takes place in like early 2000's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23281681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_Mercury/pseuds/Mother_Mercury
Summary: Brian stood in front of Roger, in their room that’s been torn apart and possessions thrown about. Roger had tried to pack Brian a bag to kick him out, but Brian unpacked the items as Roger packed them. He accused Roger of throwing out his Jimi Hendrix shirt so he ripped the room apart. He still hadn’t found it and Roger threw more things around yelling at Brian to clean up. The shirt was on their shared desk. Now both of them were trying to gain control of their breathing after an intense argument. More like a contest of who can scream over who louder, their sure one of the neighbors will complain.To be honest that’s the least of their worries.orBrian and Roger fall out of love.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor
Comments: 14
Kudos: 30





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Don't Let Me Go by Harry Styles came on shuffle this morning and I cried. I wrote this while drinking my morning coffee. Sorry if it's rush or any typos, feel free to point them out. 
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know if you like it. Stay safe out there and please wash your hands and stay inside! :)

_Now you were standing there right in front of me,_   
_I hold on it's getting harder to breathe._

Brian stood in front of Roger, in their room that’s been torn apart and possessions thrown about. Roger had tried to pack Brian a bag to kick him out, but Brian unpacked the items as Roger packed them. He accused Roger of throwing out his Jimi Hendrix shirt so he ripped the room apart. He still hadn’t found it and Roger threw more things around yelling at Brian to clean up. The shirt was on their shared desk. Now both of them were trying to gain control of their breathing after an intense argument. More like a contest of who can scream over who louder, their sure one of the neighbors will complain. 

To be honest that’s the least of their worries.

Brian isn’t sure what the argument is even about anymore, it started over a week ago and had escalated sky high since then. Roger was texting his mum off of Brian’s phone. Roger saw messages between Brian and his ex. The ex Brian promised he wasn’t talking to. In Brian’s defense, they were harmless. The ex was asking about classes would be most beneficial for his major. The context of the messages didn’t matter to Roger. Brian promised to not talk to him and he broke that promise.

“You’re too bloody nice Bri,” Roger said, followed by whipping Brian’s phone across the room. “He’s clearly using this as a reason to talk to you and eventually get back with you. You majored in fucking science and he’s an art major.”

“I like to help people, I’m sorry I was talking to him. I’ll delete his number, again and that’s it. If you had better control of your temper you wouldn’t have thrown your phone into the pavement,” Brian snapped back. Instantly regretting bringing up the younger mans temper. “Rog, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

Roger’s face dropped. Brian tried to reach out to his boyfriend, only for the blond man to inch away from Brian’s touch. Roger walked across the room to pick up Brian’s phone, opened the window, and dropped Brian’s phone from the third story.

“Sorry, Bri. I didn’t mean to do that,” Roger smirked. “I’m trying to get better with my temper.”

Brian inhaled deeply, trying to stop himself from letting the fight escalate anymore than it already had.

“Roggie, I-”

Brian was cut off by Roger running across the room and jumping on his boyfriend. Their lips crashed together and between moans they both apologized to each other. They made love on the living room floor, fast and rough. But also filled with so much passion and love.

_All of a sudden these lights are blinding me,_   
_I never noticed how bright they would be_

And that’s how each fight went over the last week. Not one fight was fought till the end. One of them ending the fight with sex before it got too bad. Before things could be said that could potentially end their relationship. 

And that terrible way of handling had come to bite them both in the arse. They stood in front of each other, over twenty fights unresolved. Brian can’t help but wonder if they dealt with the first one properly if they would be here. 19 fights later accompanied with blood shot eyes, migraines, and throats raw from screaming.

“Rog, I can’t fight anymore. I’m exhausted,” Brian said at a normal octave. It felt like a whisper since they have been screaming all week.

“You started this mess,” Roger snapped. He wasn’t yelling but his voice was still loud. “I’m sorry but chatting to your ex behind my back is just as bad as cheating.”

Brian sat on the bed and snorted. “When we first started dating, you thought we had an open relationship. You literally were still sleeping with other people.”

“You’re seriously still bring that up? Seven years later? I apologized a thousand times,” Roger said, eyes filling with tears. “I get it, I was a huge whore before we started dating. I’m sorry! I was confused cos I never had anyone treat me right, I didn’t know I could be wanted like this by a person.”

Brian felt like an arse. He shouldn’t have brought that up. He’d cut his fingers off before he makes Roger upset. But somehow he’s managed to make his boyfriend cry every single day for a week. And Roger made him cry, so neither of them are perfect. They never were and that’s why they loved each other so much. Love each, Brian still loves him.

“Rog, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up,” Brian explained, unaware of when he started crying. “I love you much. I don’t want to lose you.”

Roger took a seat on the bed next to Brian. He had snot coming out of his nose and his face was soaked with tears. Brian grabbed the younger mans hands, running his thumb across his knuckles.

“I think we already lost each other,” Roger said, tears spilling faster. “I feel like holding on to this is making things worse. I love you, Brimi. With my whole fucking heart.”

“So this is it? Seven years down the drain? You don’t think this is worth trying to talk over?” Brian asked. “The whole star thing just meant nothing?”

“You think I want this to end? You are the best thing in my life,” Roger said wiping away his tears. “I want to be by your side until my last breath. We talked about this, I have to die first cos I’m not living this life without you. All I’m saying is, we need a break. We need to not scream at each other. Cos all the fighting is making me forget that I love you.”

Roger pulled Brian in for a spine crushing hug, not caring that he’s making terribly ugly sounds. Brian ran soothing hand up and down the shorter mans back. He burned Roger’s sent into his mind. 

“I’m gonna stay by Deaky’s for a bit,” Roger said into Brian’s chest.

“For how long? We will talk soon, right?” Brian asked, nearly begging.

“Of course,” Roger smiled. The first genuine smile in over a week. “We’re not breaking up, we just need a break. I won’t go sleeping around. Not that anyone could shag me better than you.”

Brian appreciated Roger making light of the very shitty situation at hand. He has always loved that about Roger. Like the time neither of them wanted to go to a mutual friends wedding. Brian really really didn’t want to go. On the way to the reception, a car hit them from behind and cause their car to spin out and crash into another car. Everyone was fine, Roger had a slight concussion and Brian had to get a few stitches. While Roger was laid up in a hospital bed and Brian repeatably apologized, Roger did what he did best.

“Brian, it’s not your fault. I caused the accident on purpose,” Roger firmly, like it was almost true. Which Brian knew it was far from true. “You didn’t want to go so I figured giving myself a concussion was the best way out of it.”

“Shut up,” Brian said leaning to Roger. “Shut your beautiful mouth and kiss me.”

Brian ended up secretly blowing Roger in the hospital room. Sex made the good times better and the bad times also better. 

Brian knew sex couldn't happen now, they’d both get into that post orgasm high and just go back to how things were before. Brian couldn’t watch Roger pack his two bags. Instead, Brian put the kettle on. He made his tea in his favorite mug and Roger’s tea into his favorite to go thermos. 

Brian walked Roger to the door, their goodbye consisting of a sad smile and no kisses. Roger was out the door of their flat when he turned back to Brian, eyes wet already.

“Just don’t let go,” Roger said, voice weak. “Don’t let this or me go. Promise you’ll hang on”

“Promise,” Brian answered quickly. “I never-”

Roger waited for Brian to continue, when Brian didn’t answer Roger filled the silence. He knew exactly what he was going to say.

“I know,” Roger sighed. “Neither of us have slept in a bed alone in seven years.”

Brian nodded weakly, resting his head against the door frame. He watched as Roger walked down the hall until Roger turned the corner and was out of his sight. His stomach sinking and heart shattering.

Brian slumped back into their flat. His flat? The flat. He walked back into the flat, feeling lost and empty. He took his cuppa to the bedroom and started to straighten up the room the two of them had destroyed together. It’s less fun without Roger by his side, making comments how Brian should control his temper. It’s funny cos they both know it was Roger who made the mess. 

Brian went to grab his Jimi Hendrix shirt off the desk. When he couldn’t find it he assumed he had put it away and settled on his regular space pajamas. The ones that were too short for his legs but Roger bought them for him anyways. Roger was so happy the day he bought them, he made Brian put them on at 2pm and wear them for the rest of the day.

_I saw in the corner there is a photograph_   
_No doubt in my mind it's a picture of you_   
_It lies there alone in it's bed of broken glass_   
_This bed was never made for two_

Brian laid on Roger’s side of the bed, facing the bedside locker. Brian forgot Roger threw a pair of shoes in this direction earlier today. The shoes must’ve broken the frame. He picked up the photo, shuffling the broken glass off of it. It’s the first picture they took together as a couple. Seven years ago during their first year at Uni. 

Brian was supposed to have a single dorm but Roger enrolled late and was put into his room. He remembers being so annoyed when he found out he was getting a roommate. His room only had one bed for him and futon for his new roommate. He didn’t want a roommate. That was until a perfect man with ocean blue eyes walked into the room. Brian would have given Roger his heart if he asked for it. They started dating two weeks later and that was when Roger stopped sleeping on the futon and slept in the single bed with Brian. 

“There’s not enough room for two,” Brian joked. “We’re gonna have to snuggle up real close.”

Roger plastered his body against Brian’s. “Sounds horrible,” Roger smirked. Running his hand across Brian’s chest.

The next morning Brian had a kink in his neck and a mop of blond hair on his chest. That’s when he knew this is how he wants to wake up for the rest of his life.

Roger lifted his head from Brian’s chest. “Good morning sleepy head. I’ve been up for hours waiting for you.”

“You could have moved off of me,” Brian said, pulling Roger up for a kiss. 

“Nah, too comfy. Don’t move,” Roger said, eyes going wide. 

Brian watched as Roger searched his belongings. Smiling at Brian when he lifted his Polaroid camera up. Roger jumped back into bed snuggling up real close as he lifted the camera.

“Say cheese,” Roger squealed.

And that’s their first photo together and Brian’s all time favorite photo of the two of them.

He clutched the photo to his chest, forcing himself to hold back his tears. Since the day this photo was taken, Brian has never slept without Roger. Without Roger in the bed, plastering his body against Brian’s, the bed felt enormous. And empty. And cold. He’d give anything to go back to that first night. A bed too small for two grown men. 

Brian wondered if Roger felt the same way. If Roger misses laying his head on Brian’s chest or rubbing his cold feet against Brian’s calves. He can only hope Roger is missing him and thinking about him but that means Roger is probably sad or crying. Brian doesn’t want Roger to be sad anymore. He specially doesn’t want Roger to be sad cos of him.

He shoved his face into his pillow and clutched Roger’s pillow to his chest. Hoping it’ll be a good enough substitute for Roger and allow him to sleep.

-

The next couple days passed by in a blur. Brian longed to contact Roger, he knew they both needed their space. He wanted to make sure he was changing the solution for his contacts and brushing his hair every night before bed. Cos for some reason Roger forgot to do those things unless Brian reminded him. Roger is a very capable and independent man. Just sometimes he needs a little reminder. And Brian was always there to remind him.

Brian put his energy into work. He works as a secondary school science teacher. He came up with fun new experiments and projects for the kids. He found it not as fun shopping and doing mock experiment alone. Usually Roger would be his co scientist on all projects. He loves the way Roger’s face lights up and a grin slowly creeps on his face when he comes up with a new idea. Alone in the flat on his computer, he researched new ideas for hours.

When one caught his eye, he turned around and shouted for Roger. Only to remember that Roger is at Deaky’s flat. If Roger was here he would shout for his boyfriend to come by him and Roger would run to him. He’d slide across the kitchen in his socks wearing Brian’s boxers and Brian’s t-shirt. He’d jump on Brian’s lap and listen carefully to Brian’s idea then tweak a little to make it better. Roger always makes things better. 

Even when they first started dating, Roger made his life better. And he made each year better. Cos Brian truly believes they were made for each other. He always said their story was written in the stars and they were meant to collide with each other. Roger added that them meeting caused such a powerful reaction, a second big bang if you will, that there’s now probably life on Mars. And Brian loved that.

Distracting himself from Roger, Brian used this time to clear out his email. It’s been overfilling for weeks and he hasn’t had the chance to go through each of them. He deleted the spam and responded to a few people. 

Roger can never remember his password so he uses Brain’s email. Brian selected all of the emails for Roger and out them into his own folder. He laughed at the memory of the time Roger tried to surprise him with a telescope. Roger had been emailing someone off of Craigslist about purchasing her telescope. It was supposed to be a surprise but Brian had stumbled upon the email. He still pretended to be shocked when he Roger gave it to him as a gift. 

Gift giving was Roger’s drug of choice. Even when they first started dating and Roger had more gift ideas than money.

Brian had his parents supporting him so money was never really an issue. He spoiled Roger rotten with gifts and flowers every chance he got. And Roger would work himself exhausted trying to earn enough money to buy a simple gift for Brian. 

_I promised one day that I'd bring you back a star_   
_I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand_

For their six month anniversary, Brian bought Roger a laptop. It was partially an anniversary gift and partially the fact that he needed it for school. Roger still thanks him to this day for the laptop. The younger man had no idea he was supposed to get Brian a gift. So he put on a pair of red panties and gave him a lap dance before riding him in the dorm room.

Later that night as Brian help set up his laptop, Roger couldn’t help but feel like a shit boyfriend.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get you a real gift,” Roger said quietly, picking at his nails.

“I don’t know love,” Brian tsked. “That orgasm felt really real to me.”

Roger hit him with a pillow. “You know what I mean.”

“Roger,” Brian said putting the laptop on their desk. He walked over to Roger and tackled him on the bed. “You are the best gift I could ever receive. I don’t need anything else but you.”

Roger rolled his eyes playfully.

“One day,” Roger started. “When I’m super rich, I’m gonna get you a star straight from space.” Brian leaned down to kiss Roger who put a finger to the older mans lips. “Swear on my life. I’ll assemble the volunteers for a space mission. I’ll go up to space and get you a star.”

“You are the only star I need in my life,” Brian said before taking his shirt off.

When they moved in together after Uni and were both working, Brian came home to a very excited Roger sitting on the counter next to a box. He waved Brian over who opened the box to see what was inside.

Brian pulled a few space themed gifts that he loved already and finally a piece of paper. He quickly scanned over it before grinning at Roger.

“So I spoke the British Space Agency,” Roger explained.

“No you didn’t, but go on,” Brian laughed.

“For the theatrics Brimi, please,” Roger said, shaking his head to start his bit over again. “They told me I can’t go up to space to and take a star or else it can cause a black hole or a space time continuum issue. I’ll be gone a year but if I were to come back, 100 years will have passed. And I don’t want to live this life without you. So you’ll have to die first, promise me.”

“I promise love,” Brian said holding his pinky up.

“So…. instead of bringing one down, I bought you a Binary Star,” Roger said pointing at the map to two stars. “That one is Roger and the other is Brian.”

Brian’s face lit up and he smiled like a child on Christmas morning. A simple gift with so much meaning behind it. They made love right there with Roger seated on the counter. 

Memories of Roger’s gift giving through the years passed through his mind. Making Brian smile and his heart ache. Brian will admit that they probably have one of the most beautiful stories. A beautiful story made up of a thousand little beautiful stories. Though it didn’t feel like a beautiful story the last few months.

_Seems like these days I watch you from afar_   
_Just trying to make you understand_

Roger and Brian were attached at the hip. They did everything together and enjoyed it that way. In the seven years they were together they were never separated. Roger accompanied Brian on his family vacations. Brian went with Roger on his work retreats. Some would say it was unhealthy and maybe it was. They didn’t have to be together all the time, but they liked it better that way.

The couple used to shower together every single day. Not wanting to waste a minute together. Brian used to count down the seconds until Roger got home from work. If Brian was doing his business in the bathroom, Roger would slip notes under the door. Brian was convinced that he needed Roger to breathe. And Roger would say that he felt the same way.

But something changed, even before the first fight. Brian found himself not caring to look at the clock to see how long before Roger came home. Roger stopped slipping notes under the door when Brian was in the bathroom. Brian felt like the shower was cramped when the two were in their together. 

Brian and Roger felt suffocated, though neither would admit it. And maybe if they had, things wouldn’t have escalated. They both wouldn’t have started to withdraw from each other. And maybe Brian wouldn’t have snapped when Roger kept bothering him while grading papers.

“Roger, I’m behind and don’t have time for distractions,” Brian huffed when Roger plopped himself in Brian’s lap. “Seriously you do this all the time. I just need a god damn minute alone. You’re suffocating me.”

“Brian, we barely see each other,” Roger said, removing him off Brian’s lap. “I feel like were two people just co existing.”

“Just because we don’t do everything together like we used to doesn’t mean things have changed,” Brian explained. “Grow up, Roger. Be an adult.”

Roger’s face fell and Brian immediately got up to comfort Roger.

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean it, I’m stressed and shouldn’t have said that. I’m a piece of shit. Let me finish these papers and you can kick my arse in the alley way.”

“You promise?” Roger laughed into Brian’s chest.

“Eh.. How about you fuck me real hard. Wherever you want,” Brian offered.

“Sounds good,” Roger smiled. “I’ll love you always, Brian. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t live this live without you.”

“I love you,” Brian said kissing the top of his head. “You’ll never live this life without me. I promise you that.”

Even after Roger screwed Brian into next year, things still felt off. Roger admitted he can be clingy sometimes and Brian admitted he hasn’t been the best boyfriend. Soon after that, Roger found the messages on Brian’s phone. And that’s when things broke beyond repair.

_I'll keep my eyes wide open_

Their break lasted three weeks.

Brian craved Roger at the start of their break. He longed to call him and hear his voice. But by the end of it, he didn’t think about Roger some days. It scared him to feel this way. He didn’t want to lose Roger. But then he needed a reason of why he felt so good after the break.

They had plan to meet up at a park to talk. After three weeks of not talking, Brian found himself terribly nervous and afraid of what Roger might say. Even though Brian felt relaxed and well rested after being apart from Roger, he doesn’t want things to end. He really does love Roger more than anything.

He sat on the bench and waited to see the mop of blonde hair walking his way. His heart skipped a beat when Roger sat down next to him wearing Brian’s missing Jimi Hendrix shirt.

“Hi,” Roger said, voice hoarse.

“Hi, Rog,” Brian replied.

“I missed you,” Roger admitted.

“I missed you,” Brian said with a sad smile.

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?” Roger asked.

“That wouldn’t be a very effective conversation,” Brian joked. 

The two sat and talked about everything they missed on the last three weeks. Literally everything. From lunches they ate to the Roger clipping his nails to Brian having a wank to the sex tape they made. Roger admitted he had a wank to it too. Updating each other like they use to do when Roger got home from work. Like nothing had changed.

Except everything has changed.

Brian’s heart was recharged by hearing Roger’s voice and his laugh and seeing his smile. He didn’t cared about the fights and arguments anymore. He didn’t care about his phone being smashed to pieces. He only cared about Roger and knowing he never wants to lose him again.

From the way Roger spoke and the things he said, Brian knows he must feel the same way.

“So what are we gonna do?” Brian asked, biting the bullet. 

“You promised me you wouldn’t let go. I didn’t let go,” Roger started. “So I’d like to go back to how we were, before shit hit the fan.”

“Did you have an ‘I’m really happy right now’ moment when we were on the break?” Brian blurted out. “Cos I did.”  
  
“I did a few times too, honestly. Why?” Roger asked, voice filled with confusion.

“I love you, Rog. But you said it yourself that the fighting is making us forget that we love each other,” Brian explained. “I don’t want to go back to that. And if we both felt happy for a moment a part, that must mean something.”

“Brimi, what are you saying?”

“I think we should break up,” Brian admitted. He didn’t know he felt that way until the words were flying out of his mouth. “Not forever. But maybe we need to fall back in love.”

“Then lets fall back in love while were together,” Roger begged.

Brian cupped Roger’s face. “I don’t want this but I think we need this.”

A few moments of silence fell between them. At some point they had both started lightly crying. It happens nearly every time they talk to each other these days. Except there wasn’t a fight and a lamp thrown across the room.

“You were always the smart,” Roger sniffed. “You always knew what we needed and always said the right things. I just wish you weren’t so smart about this cause then we wouldn’t be breaking up.”

Roger smiled weakly and Brian joined him. It’s a bitter moment, saying goodbye to seven years. The best seven years of Brian’s life, filled with love, smiles, laughter, tears, and so much more. 

Brian cupped Roger’s face and planted what is probably their last kiss for a while on lips. “I’ll always love you, Rog,” Brian stated.

Roger parroted a kiss back to Brian. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll always love you, Brimi,” Roger replied.

Brian stood up from the bench and helped Roger up. They walked back to the flat and Roger slipped his hand into Brian’s.

“Just for today?” the blond boy said, his eyes filled with sadness.

“Of course,” Brian answered. He placed a kiss to Roger’s knuckles. “Just for today.”

They decided to pack up what they can of Roger’s and move it over to Deaky’s over the next two days. Roger can’t afford the flat by himself and has the least amount of stuff to move. It made sense to do it this way. It didn’t make it any less painful.

Once the last of Roger’s belongings were packed up, the two stood face to face. The last seven years flashed before his eyes, the really good and the really bad moments. Brian wants so badly to kiss Roger’s lips. His lips that taste like honey and home. 

“Rog,” Brian said, reaching a hand out to touch Roger’s face. “I want to kiss you so bad right now. It hurts.”

“Just for today,” Roger asked, leaning into Brian’s touch.

Brian cupped Roger’s face and Roger closed his eyes. The older man pressed his lips to the younger mans and they shared a chaste kiss. Or what would have been chaste kiss if Brian didn’t probe his tongue into Roger’s mouth, who greedily accepted it. Roger’s hands slid up and down the taller mans sides, finally resting on Brian’s ass. Giving his ass a firm squeeze.

“Brimi,” Roger moaned into the kiss. “Want you one last time. Please. Just for today.”

Brian nodded eagerly, hoisting the smaller man up and carrying him to their once shared bed. 

Clothes were shed and in the blink of an eye, Roger was sitting on Brian’s cock, bouncing up and down. They shared sloppy kisses that tasted like salt, neither of them were aware they were crying. The room was filled with soft moans, skin slapping skin, and both of them repeatedly saying ‘just for today’. 

Cleaned up and clothes back on, Brian and Roger loaded the car and drove to Deaky’s flat in silence. Roger slipped his hand back into Brian’s, who gave the blond man a weak smile.

“I guess this is it,” Roger said, standing outside of Deaky’s building. “We’ll still talk, right?”

“Of course,” Brian reassured him. “I might need some space in the beginning, but yeah we’ll talk.”

The two shared a final hug before Roger walked into the building. Brian knows this is how things have to be but that doesn’t mean his heart shattered into a million pieces as the door shut after Roger. He knows they need this to fall back in love. He just really hopes they do fall back in love with each other.

Everything felt different to Brian over the next couple of days. It felt like the Universe had shifted once Brian and Roger broke up. That the Earth’s gravity relied solely on the two of them loving each other. 

Brian was watching the telly when he noticed a slip of paper slide under his front door. Curiosity kicked in and decided to read it, immediately noticing whose hand writing it is.

_Bri,_

_Don't let me go. Or us go._   
_Cause I'm tired of sleeping alone._

_Always,_   
_Your Roger_

Brian can’t remember the last time Roger slipped him a note under the door. It was before all the fighting and yelling and screaming. What he felt reading the note is the same happy and giddy feeling he used to get all the time when Roger would slip notes under the door. He felt the same way he did when him and Roger first started flirting with each other seven years ago. Brian remembers this feeling, warmth flooding his body and the butterflies in his stomach. The first time he saw those ocean blue eyes and how he would have ripped his heart out of his chest for his new roommate.

Brian’s falling in love with Roger again.

**Author's Note:**

> I may write a part two to this where they get back together. Who knows? Not me that's for damn sure.


End file.
